That was it.
Thanks a ton, @podcastmotor, super helpful.
Hey late update, but mrjarbenne was exactly right.
HostGator helped me sort it out once you folks had helped me eliminate all the other possibilities.
Hmm no dice on javascript errors either.
Thanks for the replies, guys.
I’ll put up a topic in SSP’s forum. A ton of people have already posted about the issue, but it seems like for them, as soon as they disable the SSP plugin (by renaming it in FTP), they’re totally fine.
I tried everything t-p suggested except clearing my cache plugins (since I can’t get to them through Dashboard).
But even with all of my plugins manually disabled and having deleted and then freshly installed WordPress, I’ve still got the exact same broken Dashboard although now without the errors.
I’ll post here if I get this fixed.