Stephiew

Figured it out! I’m going to post the code that worked for if anyone else wants to do what I am doing.

<?php
ob_start();
$aside = $post; echo $post->post_name;
do_action('after_aside', $aside);
$aside = preg_replace('/(\-profile)/','-aside$0',"-aside");
echo $aside;
$aside = ob_get_contents();
ob_end_clean();

$page = get_posts( array( 'name' => $aside ) );

if ( $page )
{
    echo $page[0]->post_content;
}

?>

So basically, I put all the code that turns the current post name from name to name-aside, and put it inside the object, then fetch it with my variable name (‘$aside = ob_get_contents();’) so when I put it into get_posts, it goes to find the constructed slug.
This is going to be helpful because I am working on a company website, where we want profiles to be a post, and then have a sidebar with additional information about the person in question. The people doing the posting from now on do not know code, so I am making it simple for them. All they need to do is make their posts, and name the slugs accordingly (name and name-aside) for it to be constructed for them automatically!
Best part: no plugins or widgets used!